She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
