as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
