I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
