YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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