does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
