If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
