Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
