IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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