Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize