I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
