AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
