So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
