eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
