Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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