I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
