i can't believe i had my finger in that
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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