So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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