I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
