I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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