Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
