your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
