I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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