i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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