if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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