Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
