the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
