Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
