You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
