She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
