i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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