I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
