I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
