What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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