I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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