But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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