I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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