She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
