that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
