What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
