Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
