Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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