Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
