Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
