Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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