I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
