You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
