Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize