At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
