i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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