Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
