let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
