You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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