i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
