we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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