he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
