I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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