Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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