i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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