I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
