Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I lost the right to judge tonight
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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