Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
