I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize