So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
is that a dick in a sweater?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
