Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
