He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
