He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
