no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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